1. jul. 2011

I really like to see myself at the top...

This is how I like to see  myself - at the top...

I have often asked myself this question: "What is it I want?  What is my intension?"
I am thinking about my status quotes on Facebook, and what I write here on this blog. I have 3 different homepages that I regularly update. Why is that?
I do not have to find the reason why.  I could just accept, that is the way I am and smile at it all.
But the truth is that I think I know - but it is a little bit hard to admit.
I know what I do afterwards when I have posted something on this blog and linked it to Facebook or Twitter.
The next day (if I can wait that long) I will look at the status on the blog - there I can find out how many have visited.  If it is a lot - it makes me glad and satisfied.  I get the feeling of being seen and heard.  I LIKE IT!!

That is also the case if I post something on Facebook.  I am eager to se if there are any "likes".

 It is fine that I have discovered what is behind my doing.  I seek recognition and attention and I thrive in that.
Like when I post pictures of my icons - what is it I want?  Yes, people saying:" You are so good, talented, they look nice etc. etc." 

OK, I have to accept - that is the way I am, and it is important that I do not condemn myself for being that way. And then this "confession" because it is important not to underestimate the power of my ego.  By looking it straight in the eye - shedding some light on it - it will shrink.

My goal is the peace of God.  I cannot find it outside of myself.
It cannot be found in acknowledgements and praise of others.
Today I will seek and find the Peace of God.
It will be given me when I accept EVERYTHING, exactly as it is.

And I have to remember - that includes myself.

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