30. jun. 2010

I woke up happy this morning...


Yes, I woke up happy this morning, just like that - most mornings are like that. All mornings of my life have certainly not been like this.

For more than 25 years I was working as an airhostess with Scandinavian Airlines. Lots of mornings I woke up - wishing I was in another place than I was... wishing I was at home instead of being in Paris or Bergen. Now, I almost always wake up at home, and the strange thing is - when I wake up somewhere else - I still feel "at home". I am not afraid.

Today I have an anniversary. I am a survivor - 8 years I have "survived" (so some call it) the diagnosis of breast cancer. 8 years ago I was scared stiff, felt the blanket was pulled away under me and I was all alone in the nightmare of that diagnosis. Death - that was what scared me - thought I was going to die - in the near future. I remember I thought: what horror to wake up each morning and then remind myself - you have cancer! That was what woke me up!

I had to DO something - for myself this time - not for everybody else. And I did. I made a plan...

And you know what? It works!!! Small steps. Yoga, meditation, reading Eckhart Tolle, then introduction to A Course in Miracles.


"Everything that seems to happens to me, I ask for, and I receive as I have asked". (ACIM)

Shortly after my radiation treatments were finished, I attended a workshop, "Find you hidden resources". Here I for the first time stated that I knew I had asked for my illness. I remember the day, time and where I stated that "I might as well get cancer". This was a year before I started the study of the Course. I received what I asked for, and it has been a great blessing to me.

Step by step, very slowly I have come to the place where I can wake up happy; happy that I am still here; thankful that I am and that each and every day gives me new opportunities to forgive and learn to see no interest of mine apart from the interest of anybody else.

22. jun. 2010

Tilgivet - og glemt.



Den vigtigste funktion I mit liv er at tilgive. Det siger Jesus I bogen "Et Kursus I Mirakler".
Eller gør Han?
Nej, det gør Han faktisk ikke. Det er måden mit ego fortolker det på, i det jeg tror at jeg har en række funktioner og opgaver, nogle vigtigere end andre. Tilgivelse husker jeg en gang i mellem...

Men faktum er: Tilgivelse er min eneste funktion! Se det er jo en helt anden sag!

Nu forstår jeg ( I alle fald for et kort øjeblik) at jeg ikke har været villig til at tilgive på den måde Han fortæller mig det, men at jeg har ”gradbøjet” ordene så det passer mig lidt bedre.

Hvad er tilgivelse?
Den måde Jesus forklarer tilgivelse på I ACIM er overhovedet ikke det samme som vi er vant til at forstå ordet på.
En lille historie:
En søndagsskolelærer spurgte sin klasse om hvad vi skal gore før vi kan blive tilgivet vore synder, i det hun forventede at noen svarede at vi må angre vor synd.
En dreng I klassen tænkte længre tilbage og svarede: ”Først må du synde”. Dette er faktisk kernebegrebet i ACIM: Vi kan ikke synde, og vi har aldrig gjort det.

Jeg er opdraget med og har lært tilgivelse som en slags ” du har gjort noget forkert – men nu er jeg så stor i slaget at jeg tilgiver dig”. Dvs. jeg tilgav andre for en fejl jeg opfattede de havde gjort mod mig. På den måde ble jeg en lille smule (for ikke at sige MEGET) helllig.
Men ved at tilgive på denne falske måde gjorde jeg synd virkelig og levende. Og frem for alt, jeg tilgav faktisk ikke og jeg GLEMTE aldrig…Det var bare noget jeg sagde.

Forgive and forget...
Der er denne her historie om en katolsk præst som boede på Philippinerne, og som bar på en stor byrde af synd og skyld for noget han havde gjort mens han gik på seminariet. Ingen vidste noget om det. Der var en kvinde i hans sogn som påstod at hun kunne tale med Helligånden
Præsten var, naturlig nok, skeptisk overfor sådan en påstand, så han sagde: “Næste gang du taler med Helligånden, spørg ham om hvilken synd din præst begik på seminariet”. Kvinden indvilligede i det og gik hjem. Når hun kom tilbage nogle dage senere sagde præsten:”Spurgte du Helligånden om hvilken synd din præst havde begået?”
”Ja”, svarede kvinden, ”Jeg spurgte ham”.
”OK”, sagde præsten, ”men hvad svarede han?”
Og kvinden svarede: ” Han sagde: ’Det husker jeg ikke’”.

Det sande svar. Han huskede ikke. Forgiven – and forgotten. Helligånden gør ikke synd til virkelighed.
Til enhver tid når jeg føler jeg bærer nag – tilgiv. Men jeg skal altid huske på at jeg ikke kan gøre dette alene. Jesus eller Helligånden er der altid til at hjælpe mig.
Så forstår jeg også at den eneste der er at tilgive er mig selv. (Lektion 121, 6:3-5)
Når jeg tilgiver – så bliver jeg tilgivet. At tilgive er at overse, at lade fortiden være, ikke holde fast i det forgagne. Så i ordets dybeste forstand er tilgivelse – at glemme.

Hvordan tilgiver jeg? (der er mange måder – dette er et forslag)

Når jeg føler vrede, sorg eller smerte, er det vigtigt ikke at undertrykke følelsen – men at være i den og føle den.


1. Jeg gør mig klart at det i virkeligheden er mit eget valg at jeg føler som jeg gør, ingen kan ”få mig til at” føle mig vred. Det er mit valg.

2. Bed Helligånden om at se på denne følelse med dig. Uden fordømmelse – husk fordøm ikke dig selv.
3. Tak Helligånden for Hans hjælp med tilgivelsen. Sådan deles kærligheden.


Når alt kommer til alt er der ingen at tilgive ud over mig selv og mine misopfattelser.


Så nu kan jeg lade min gamle misopfattelse ligge, om at min mor sårede mig den gang jeg var lille, og gav mig et stort sår i min sjæl.

Det har været mit eget valg at bære på mindet og opfattelsen og de følelser som var knyttet til den usande opfattelse .


Med Helligåndens hjælp –er det nu tilgivet og glemt.

Forgive and forget - my ONLY function



The most important function in my life is to forgive. In A Course in Miracles Jesus says so.
Or does he?
No, actually he does not. This is how my ego interprets it, thinking that I have a whole bunch of functions, some more important than others. The Truth of the matter is: Forgiveness is my ONLY function! What a difference that makes.
I realize now, that I have not been at all willing to forgive the way He tells me, I have "bent" the words to suit me.

What is forgiveness?
The way Jesus explains forgiveness in ACIM is not at all the same thing as we usually understand forgiveness.
The teacher in a Sunday School asked her class what we must do before we can be forgiven of our sins, expecting someone to say that we must repent of our sin. One boy reached back even further and said: "First you must sin". This is the core message in ACIM, we have never sinned at all.
The way I was brought up and taught forgiveness, was some kind of "I am better than you" forgiveness, where I thought I forgave others for the wrong I perceived they had done, making myself a bit holier...
In that way I always made sin real and alive. And above all, I actually did not forgive OR forget.

Forgive and forget...
There us a story about a Catholic priest who lived in the Philippines, who carried a burden of guilt about his past sin. He had committed this so-called sin many years before, during his time in the seminary. No one knew of it. There was a woman in his parish who claimed she regularly spoke with the Holy Spirit. The priest was, of course, skeptical about her claim so he said: "The next time you talk to the Holy Spirit, ask him what sin it was your priest committed while he was in seminary".
The woman agreed and went home. When she returned to church a few days later, the priest said:"Did you ask the Holy Spirit what sin your priest committed in seminary?" "Yes", the woman said, "I asked Him".
"Well", said the priest, "What did he say?"
The woman answered: "He said, 'I don't remember'"

That is the only answer, the Holy Spirit does not make sin real. Forgiving and forgetting.
Any time I realize I hold a grievance - forgive. But I must always remember - I cannot do this on my own. And all forgiveness is about forgiving myself. As I forgive, so am I forgiven. To forgive is to overlook, to let the past go, to hold on to nothing. So in the deepest sense - forgive is to forget.(Lesson 121, 6:3-5)

How to forgive (there are many ways - this is one)
When I experiece my anger, it is important not to depress or deny the feeling, just feel it.
  • Feel your feelings. Realize it is your own choice to feel the way you do, no one can "make" you feel angry.
  • Ask the Spirit to look at the feeling with you, without judging youself for it.
  • Thank the Spirit for His help in forgiveness. This is how love is shared.

Ultimately there is no one to forgive, but ourselves and our own misperceptions.

Now, I can let go of the misperception that my mother caused me pain, it was my own choice to remember and carry it with me for all these years, now it is forgiven - and forgotten.