30. jun. 2010

I woke up happy this morning...

Yes, I woke up happy this morning, just like that - most mornings are like that. All mornings of my life have certainly not been like this.

For more than 25 years I was working as an airhostess with Scandinavian Airlines. Lots of mornings I woke up - wishing I was in another place than I was... wishing I was at home instead of being in Paris or Bergen. Now, I almost always wake up at home, and the strange thing is - when I wake up somewhere else - I still feel "at home". I am not afraid.

Today I have an anniversary. I am a survivor - 8 years I have "survived" (so some call it) the diagnosis of breast cancer. 8 years ago I was scared stiff, felt the blanket was pulled away under me and I was all alone in the nightmare of that diagnosis. Death - that was what scared me - thought I was going to die - in the near future. I remember I thought: what horror to wake up each morning and then remind myself - you have cancer! That was what woke me up!

I had to DO something - for myself this time - not for everybody else. And I did. I made a plan...

And you know what? It works!!! Small steps. Yoga, meditation, reading Eckhart Tolle, then introduction to A Course in Miracles.

"Everything that seems to happens to me, I ask for, and I receive as I have asked". (ACIM)

Shortly after my radiation treatments were finished, I attended a workshop, "Find you hidden resources". Here I for the first time stated that I knew I had asked for my illness. I remember the day, time and where I stated that "I might as well get cancer". This was a year before I started the study of the Course. I received what I asked for, and it has been a great blessing to me.

Step by step, very slowly I have come to the place where I can wake up happy; happy that I am still here; thankful that I am and that each and every day gives me new opportunities to forgive and learn to see no interest of mine apart from the interest of anybody else.

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